Honesty
I think it’s really interesting how being honest can make everything more complicated than it needs to be. I probably shouldn’t be broadcasting my stupidity, but I ran into a problem at work on Wednesday. We have four U-scans at our supermarket, and at the front is a desk where one employee stands and makes sure customers are actually ringing up their stuff and oversees any problems they might run into along the way. Now, I’m not too experienced with heading U-scan. I can ring up my own stuff fine, but for the most part, when it comes to helping customers with theirs, I’m not very good at it. Quite honestly, I was not trained as well as I would have liked to have been before they stuck me there.
So, on Wednesday, I had to watch U-scan for about an hour. During this hour, I perform a simple transaction for cigarettes - ironically, someone I graduated with asked for them (making this ten times worse). I ID the person, scan the product, she pays, and we’re both off on our merry way. Or so I think, until I’m sitting in the truck on the way home and think it’s kind of odd that eight packs of cigarettes only rang up for $7.22. And then I realized… that I only scanned one pack.
At first it was like a playful joke with myself, and so I brushed it off and stared at the sunset. Except that after that awful realization, I couldn’t get it out of my fucking head. Had I really done that? Really? Then the dreaded question: Should I say something?
Anyone that I’ve talked to on AIM during the time in between Wednesday and today are well aware that I’ve been scattering my brains over this situation. In my heart, I knew I had to tell someone. My brain, on the other hand, was screaming NAY, DAMMIT, NAY!!! A breakdown as to why:
- The Pros of Telling: Wouldn’t be hiding anything, wouldn’t feel as awful, and it wouldn’t come back to bite me in the ass if they found out for themselves.
- The Cons of Telling: I could be fired!
While there are more pros, the single con is clinching. No one wants to lose their job, especially not now, and I also really like it there and have made some of what I would call friends. As a result of my dilemma, I sought help and advice from my friends and family; my friends said I should say something, and my family said I shouldn’t. With encouragement from Kae and Larissa, I planned on telling a superior about what happened, even though I constantly brought it up, almost as if I wanted them to tell me I shouldn’t. I felt like it had to be done, but I didn’t want to do it. Receiving a call to come in two hours early from the same person I planned to confront didn’t make it any easier.
The actual scene at work was almost nothing, though. I walked in, I clocked in, and then I went straight to my supervisor and asked if I could speak to her in private. I told her what happened, apologized, and offered to cover the loss with my paycheck, and all she said was to be careful. I lost the company $50 worth of cigarettes… and all she told me was to be careful. I feel relieved that I’m not in trouble (as far as I know), and that I told someone, but at the same time it just seems like I would have received some sort of slap on the wrist, an audit, something. Maybe I’m just a masochist?
With the result in mind, I feel kind of silly fretting over whether to be honest or not. In fact, it’s kind of disgusting, how much I had to consider it before deciding to be up front. To be honest. Is it natural to have this great inner conflict? Is this a personal thing, or a result of the state of the world? A combination? What if I hadn’t said anything? Would I have done the same thing if there had been absolutely no way to trace it back to me? If there was an alternate universe where I didn’t say a word, what would I be feeling right now?
And most importantly, what would you have done?
Others' Thoughts and Discussion
There are 3 responses to this entry. Want to add one?
February 16th, 2009 at 1:57 am.
I believe the reason why your boss did not react as badly as you anticipated is because YOU admitted it. You took the responsibility of both admitting your error AND offering to make reparations for it. If it had been someone else who told her, then I think it would have been much worse.
February 20th, 2009 at 1:21 pm.
I’m so glad you told! See? No bad happened <3
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February 14th, 2009 at 7:34 pm.
I think it’s completely natural. I wouldn’t have thought you’d get fired for it, though — I’m sure your boss recognizes that you’re a great employee overall, and everyone makes mistakes. Plus, all the time you spent worrying about it is a pretty significant punishment
I like to think I would’ve been honest about it, too. In any case, I definitely would’ve had the same inner conflict. Honesty can be a lot more difficult than neglecting to tell the truth.